初学者雅思作文求高手帮忙批改（谢谢!）

初学者雅思作文求高手帮忙批改（谢谢!）
剑5真题Test2 的大作文
In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the andvantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
交卷：
The gap year has become more and more young adults' choice today,which means traveling or working usually for one year between graduating from high school and seeking for further study in the university .Discussion on whether it is a better selection or not comes along inevitably.I will try to analyse its pros and cons in my following essay.
People especially the elders who pay more attention on the traditional values may find it difficult to be approval of such kind of behaviour for the existing certain degree of potential risks for young adults.It is natural for parents to feel worried since there seems no reasonable personal safety guarantee for their children,who is going on a trip alone especially travel abroad by themselves.Even for the young working man,it also remains unreliable due to their lack of either the social communicating skills or working experience.
However,we cannot neglect the numerous benefits of it at this point.First and foremost,both traveling and working experience do play a valuble role in diversifying the youngsters' life experience and expanding their outlook pretty well.Obviously,this helps them clarify their own life.Hence,here comes the second evidence that clearer self-awareness contributes to a more definitive derection towards their further study and life long career.Besides,it can be recognised as the youth's unique spirit of adventure and the very desire to escape from quite a long-term stuffy school life that promotes their decisions of gapping one year.
Personally speaking,I always convince that taking a year off in this way does benifit the youth much more than attending to the university which actually means another totally different school life style directly without a period of transition.While,traveling or working for a short time before campus life just offers them such an opportunity for preparition.Anyway,such a kind of experience is absolutely a treasure for the young individuals to realise that everyone's life is empowering and it can be unsual at an early age.