求求大家帮帮我看看我的托福作文吧

求求大家帮帮我看看我的托福作文吧
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns.Use specific reason and examples to support your answer.
正文：
A profound changes of the conception of money have been seen in recent years.Nowadays,many people consider that the most essential aspect of career is how much a person earns.Meanwhile,still some deem that the most significant aspect for a job is whether we are interested in it or not.I agree the former.The most curical aspect of a career is the money a person gains.
Firstly,I want to point out that,people can not have a satisfied life without the supporting of money.If we find a job which is just your interest or sometimes it can not bring a satisfied salary.It will not only effect the relationship of the family but also making the bad quality of the life.A real example is that,a friend of mine,who was very good at swimming when he was young.He practiced swimming all the time instead of learning the knowledge in school.he became a swimmer who is not famous and just earns a little amount of salary.His wife was extremely unsatisfied with her life because of her husband’s low income.Finally she left him .So that is the reason that the most essential aspect of a career is the income person gains.
In addition,it is difficult to enjoy our life without having a high enough salary.People are not able to enjoy theirselves when they do not have enough money to support their extra spending.Such travelling around the world,having a short sightseeing or having a meaningful dinner in a high level restaurant.My uncle is an example.His name is Jake who is a farmer and gains a very low income which can just support his basic life.He is very looking forward to doing something like an affluence people do.He does not have enough money to support him because of his low salary.It is reason that the most significant part of a job is the money people earn.
In conclusion,the most important aspect of a job is that how much a person earns,because we people can not enjoy theirselves by spending extra money with a low income,also it will break up their family if people do not earn enough money to let the life comfortable.