I lost the game,I want to vent my anger,I want to kill mysel

I lost the game,I want to vent my anger,I want to kill myself?
I have fought with him for 8 years in the
ping pang game,I always lost in the formal
contest,but I usually won the game.
but once I met him in the formal contest,
I lost,why?I want to kill myself,really.