xw1213
幼苗
共回答了16个问题采纳率:93.8% 举报
首先,你的作文是不是在套用一种格式?这样的作文是很生硬的.
其次,从题目的分值,字数,掌握词汇来看,你大概是一名高中生.文中很多词汇和语句的使用是很好的,以下纠正你几个地方:
1,“Why the children don’t like to talk with their parents when they grow up,”改为“Why are the children fed up with talking with their parents when growing up?"
2,不要列举过多的年龄数据,这会让阅卷老师觉得你没有话说,再凑字数.尤其是放在开头.
3,“The last but not the least”,去掉the吧.
4,文章思想倾向有问题.你是不能赞同少于父母交流的.
5,“they don’t have the thoughts,to talk to each other.”这句话是很生硬的.“Talking with each other seems impossible for them."要好些.这是按照中文直接翻译的吧.
5,“with their parents approximate 5 hours”中的approximate 应该是approximately.
就写这些,愿对你有所帮助.你的最后一句话我很喜欢啊,很愿意和你交流.
1年前
6